Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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