And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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