His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
