I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
