I am in a vortex of obligation.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
