just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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