Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
