Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
