I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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