he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
