Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
