so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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