I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
