He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
