your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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