You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
