For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize