I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
