yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
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