I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
