Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
