Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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