You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
