Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
