conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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