And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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