you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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