I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
