pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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