It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The best revenge is premature balding
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
