No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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