i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
