Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
