he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
