Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
