My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
