My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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