We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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