my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
