barbara walters just said penis...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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