Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
