i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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