peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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