new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's the barista slut.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
