I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
