I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
