I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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