She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
