i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
