He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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