what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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