so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
