someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
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