if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
