Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
