I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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