There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
