Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she smelled like a LAN party
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
