I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
