You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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