Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
