the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
