No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
