Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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