you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
