I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
