so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He passed out mid-signature
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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