she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
