You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
