for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
