I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
