Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
