i jhust puked up my retainher.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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