you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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