Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
