If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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