it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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