how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
