Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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